This article was written by Devin

It’s funny to try and narrow down a list of rude things you can say to a woman to only five.  Try five thousand.  Try fifty thousand.  There are a ton of things to say to a woman that could offend her.  A mere look can offend her.  They’re offend-able creatures.  But for the sake of funny things, and list able lists, let’s cover a few of the best and brightest.  So here it goes, these are the 5 rude things to say to a woman you just met:

1) Oh, I Know Your Type—I actually love this one, though it isn’t a for sure thing.  You can actually use it as a pickup line.  If you’re good looking enough, this condescending phrase can put her on the defensive.  It’s a sleaze trick, but hell, give it a shot.

2) Find Me on Facebook—This is the “don’t call me, I’ll call you” phrase for the modern age.  Nobody wants to be told this, especially not a woman who is potentially interested in you.  Even if you don’t reciprocate the feelings, you should probably do yourself a favor and not say this.  If the word spreads that you’re an asshole, it will echo in eternity, or some shit.

3) When’s The Baby Due—Ouch dude, she’s probably not pregnant!  You’re asking for trouble.  If the head isn’t poking out of the uterus, don’t drop this one.  Unless you’re looking for a fight.  This can be a passive aggressive nightmare.

4) Is It That Time of The Month—Don’t even try it dude!  When it is the time of the month, you’re going to get your head bit off.  But when she isn’t she’ll probably think you’re an idiot and a jerkoff.  That doesn’t get you anywhere.  Don’t ever ask this unless you have some Midol you’re willing to offer.

5) So How Old Are You?—Alternatively, this goes for “how much do you weigh”.  Why would you even try?  Make a quiet, educated guess, to yourself.  Ask your wingman if you can’t be sure.  It’s personal and private, and privy only to speculation.  Boom.

And that’s the way the cookie crumbles.  If you’re not looking to offend a woman, which I hope you aren’t, then don’t be a dick and don’t even ask these questions!  These are the 5 rude things to say to a woman you just met—and they’ll land you in hell.

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