This article was written by Matt

So you just got done with a sweaty, all-out, make -a-porn-star-blush sex marathon. Your mind is swimming in an endorphin rush but your body feels spent.  There’s a thumping in your chest. As she snores next to you, you can’t help but think, “How is my heart?” These 4 tips to prevent heart disease just may help you keep that ticker working a little longer so you can continue to chase tail without your chest feeling as if it is going to implode.

1. Why not Smoke Dog Shit?
Yup, you may as well scoop up some dog shit, dry it out and smoke it. It will probably be better for you than tobacco which is one of the number one causes of heart disease. Tobacco creates plaque in the arteries therefore constricting blood flow and causing heart damage.

2. Of Course It Is What You Eat
Don’t be an idiot. Over-consumption of red meat, trans-fats, dairy products, alcohol…hell you know what does it so stop dumping it into your pie hole every day. Take it easy. Eat in moderation with fruits and vegetables at the top of the list. You don’t like fruits and vegetables? Well find some you like a little and juice ‘em. Juicing is a shot in the arm of antioxidants, vitamins and minerals. If you can’t juice then get some good expensive supplements like Co-enzyme Q-10, Vitamin C, Quercetin, Magnesium and Vitamin D which some allege help prevent heart disease. Herbs and herbal supplements are highly beneficial including:
• Garlic – Reduces cholesterol (don’t worry there are non odor garlic supplements).
• Hawthorne – Enhances circulation to the heart.
• Grape Seed Extract – Antioxidant bioflavonoid properties to fight free-radicals.

3. Shake it, Pump It, Move it Dammit
Here’s another no brainer…exercise. You need at least thirty consecutive minutes of movement per day. Take a walk, run or bike but either way you have got to get the blood moving. Harvard Medical School studied 27,055 women for ten years and determined that moderate exercise reduced the risk of heart disease by 27 to 41%. Suck on this: on a whole, women live longer than men.

4. Bend Over and Say Ah
We all hate doctors but you have got to start going especially if you are a fat fuck. Get yearly checkups and you can avoid such silent killers as hypertension, diabetes and prostate cancer (even though it’s not heart related). Have your cholesterol checked, along with a diabetes screening, blood pressure monitor, EKG, blood assessment and more. Ask your doctor what you need to do if your results are risky. Also, don’t be afraid to visit a naturopathic doctor who can better assess herbal and vitamin suggestions for your individual needs.

These are the main 4 tips to prevent heart disease. But do remember stress. If you walk around with a furrowed brow smile more or jerkoff more or get laid, do something to relieve your unnecessary seriousness.

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