This article was written by Matt

North Korea is a rogue nation with its borders tightly sealed and its people brainwashed into thinking they are in a completely different universe. Kim Jong Il, known as the “Supreme Leader” (a 2009 Constitutional amendment by, um, him) died of a heart attack on December 17th. at age 69 or 70, no one knows. Either way, this little fucker whose country ranks as having the lowest human-rights record, was reported by 2010 Forbes magazine as #31 of the world’s most powerful people. Let us take a short look at this Stalinist, totalitarian dictatorship, power hungry, oppressive family of mean pudgy midgets.

North Korea and the Korean War

Handed over to the Russians in 1948 by the U.N. which is known as the 38th Parallel (the U.S. got the south), North Korea was eventually left to govern itself under Kim Jong Il’s pops, Kim II-Sung. Shortly after this handover, Sung decided to wag his little noodle dick by taking all of Korea, not just the north. With China and Stalin behind him, he attacked the south (June 25th 1950) starting the Korean War. Approximately two million deaths and three years later everybody went back to the original north/south separation. Thanks to allied forces, Sung’s ass was put back where it belonged, into an economic quagmire and natural resource wasteland.

The DMZ

Located on the 38th parallel lies the demilitarized zone (DMZ), a peninsula where the north and south military peer at one another waiting for a strike. Skirmishes have been challenges over the years for the south which in the interim became a liberal democracy. Interestingly, because the DMZ is untouched by man, much plant and animal life which were at one time scarce in the region, have flourished.

Daddy’s Little Boy

Kim Jong Il took over the regime from his father in 1994. At this time the country was starving due to a severe agricultural decline ignored by Jong’s dickhead father. What did Jong do? He let three million of his countrymen starve to death in a famine that continues today. In addition, only a year after his takeover, Jong stepped into a war with his country’s farmers for hoarding their own grain rather than handing it over to the military and not being able to feed themselves or their families. Plus, Jong began a nuclear armament program. Although it has not succeeded yet, it is only a matter of time.

Nuclear proliferation and food shortages are only a blip on the screen of Kim Il Jong’s debacle leadership. With him now worm food his just as dopey looking third youngest son, Kim Jong Un, is set to take the reins. Unknown to the global political scene, this little shithead will most likely continue the mess. He already wagged his own noodle dick by firing off a missile shortly after his father kicked. Way to go dummy, it’s not like you could’ve fed a couple of thousand people with the expense of that sendoff. And so it continues…