This article was written by Devin

I don’t mean to pander to the male audience of this website, but if you’re reading an article on the best ways to get her drunk, you might possibly have some ulterior motives.  This is the twenty-first century and we’re all modern people here so I’m going to offer you the benefit of the doubt.  But for those of you who are interested in shadier tactics, I recommend you look long and hard at your state or countries sex offense laws, and give yourself a long look in the mirror.

With that little disclaimer taken care of, we can get to the main event–a little guide to the best ways to get her drunk.  For starters why don’t we go ahead and rephrase that a little—you’re trying to get drunk with her.  If she’s getting sloshy, you better be doing the same.  There’s nothing creepier than a guy drinking club soda while he liquors up his date until she can’t walk.  That’s getting into the sex offense territory and you’re already riding the line here.

Depending on how much your lady-friend weighs, you should just go toe to toe with her, or get her to match you.  Nothing gets the juices flowing like a drink off.  If she can hold her own against you, propose to her, and marry her immediately—there’s nothing hotter than a woman who can drink hard and keep her shit in line.  Either way, with both of you downing shots like thirsty dogs, you’ll both be bombed before you can say “do you want to split a cab?”

To bolster this concept, I’ll go ahead and state the obvious here with a quick little guide.  Liquor has more alcohol per volume than wine, which in turn has more alcohol per volume than beer.  Which means liquor gets you drunk faster—duh.  Additionally the less time it takes you to drink the alcohol, the drunker you get.  Bonging a beer or doing a shot gets you wasted faster than sipping on a glass over white wine.  Having said that, use that information any way you please, provided its within the bounds of legality—we’re not here to judge.

My personal recommendation?  Shit, get down and dirty with a couple Four Lokos.  Drink them with a red bull, bong ‘em, play a drinking game, who cares.  Now that’s the best way to get her drunk, and get yourself drunk in the process.  No one gets wasted faster than people drinking cheap alcohol and keg beer—treat it like a house party!  Stay safe, stay legal and you’ll have a great time.

P.S.—Don’t get any funny ideas about making your own colorless, odorless additions to anyone’s drink.  Supremely illegal and uncool.